The best part is I don't seem to have much or any brain fog. I can think! I can read stories and follow them!
I still tire very quickly, not enough to sleep but just to have almost no energy. The surgeon said this was normal and it could take months to get back my stamina and energy.
I've been feeling pretty happy and accomplished, and so appreciative of how much better I feel.
Until today. Today I just want to cry and cry. I'm so tired. And I'm so done with having one thing after another happen in my life, so that all I ever do is recover. I've started project after project over the last few years: tried to go to school to learn math and maybe engineering; sewing and knitting; learning some programming; trying to find a new house to buy. Each time something came up that needed attention and money and used us up. Things just keep getting harder and harder, and we're worse off financially now than we were 10 years ago or 5 years ago.
I keep telling myself that the bad stuff is temporary and the good stuff is permanent. But even when the bad stuff is temporary, it's so much of the time that the good stuff gets lost and forgotten.
So probably tomorrow I won't feel this despair, this frustration and this desire to just give up even trying to make things better. I can make it until tomorrow. But today is awfully hard.
This entry was originally posted at http://snippy.dreamwidth.org/358938.htm