The thing is, this is a thing for me. All my life I've had this experience: on the days I particularly don't like my hair, other people are moved to comment how much they like it. When I like my hair, nobody notices but me--but I'm happy and relaxed and that matters. I have, in the past, used this as a convenient reminder to get a hair cut-when I get enough comments on my hair, better schedule one.
And I'm contrary, so people telling me they like my hair doesn't just make me self-conscious, it makes me want to change it!
But what's really amusing me about this today is that I don't think it's my hair at all. I'm performing femme-ness today, I'm actually wearing makeup (foundation, eye shadow, lipstick, even a little mascara). It's very subtle (on purpose) but I think that's what people are noticing, that I look a little more conventionally feminine. Because they can't tell it's makeup, they may be grasping unwittingly at a hair comment to indicate their notice.
And I suppose the makeup could also be making me actually look "better." I mean, of course I think that, at least a little, or I wouldn't be bothering with it--I've been socialized in this culture, I can't avoid the covers of fashion magazines showing me what society thinks I'm supposed to look like. And I look a little more like that, with makeup on.
It also makes me look more compliant with society's rules. It comforts people, and so they are showing me their appreciation for letting them slot me into a predefined role.
I know why I'm doing this. A friend of mine once said that zie cares what people think when zie wants something from them; there's something I want, and so I'm caring what people think. Only time will tell whether I get it.
This entry was originally posted at http://snippy.dreamwidth.org/347076.htm